LNB Prologue

Somewhere in Las Vegas… (present day)

Somewhere in Las Vegas…


     “Are you all sure about this?” Eradication asks.

     “We’re all immortal,” Desolation says. “What the hell else do we have going on?” she asks.

     “Eat me,” Hellbound says, taking umbrage to the reference of her name and flipping off Desolation from across the room.

     “Overly sensitive much?” Desolation asks. “What I’m saying is we all have forever, except for probably Keening, and she almost immortal!”

     “But, I’ll never remember all of that,” Pandemic says, sinking into the worn leather couch pushed against the wall of the newly rented office space.

     “What’s so fucking hard about it?” Eradication asks, putting her feet up on the desk and glaring at Pandemic.

     “First of all,” Keening says dismissively, as she rummages through the two filing cabinets left by the previous tenants. “It’ll never all fit on the door!”

     “I told you,” Eradication replies. “We’ll use the fucking acronym! Weren’t you even listening to me?”

     “I do some of the time,” Pandemic says with a giggle.

     “I just think it’s a weird name for a company,” Keening says, absently fiddling with one of her peen earrings as she flips through an old issue of Cosmopolitan. “Love N. Books… it just sounds weird.”

     “And it doesn’t make any sense,” Desolation says, hardly believing they’re having this conversation for the billionth time.

     “It makes more sense than the full name,” Hellbound says. “Lovely Oddities Vanquishing Everyday but Nevertheless, Basically Offensive and Off-Kilter Shit! It’s like the preamble to The Constitution!”

     “And who the fuck are you calling an oddity?” Keening asks.

     “I think you should be focusing on the Lovely part,” Pandemic says.

     “Fine!” Eradication says, deciding she can give in on this one issue. “Whenever we’re short on space or time, we’ll use the initials.”

     “The acronym is the initials,” Desolation says, dripping with literary condescension. 

     “The initials for the acronym, dumbass,” Eradication explains.

     “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” Hellbound says.

     “And you’ve been around long enough to hear some shit,” Keening tells Hellbound.

     “Don’t make me come over there,” Hellbound warns.

     “Is that like an acronitial?” Pandemic asks Eradication. “Oooo! Maybe it’s an initronym? I think you totally get to name this shit!” she says.

     “It’s settled then,” Eradication says, pulling the bottle of cheap, but reportedly single-malt scotch from the battered desk drawer and pouring a little into five coffee cups. “A toast,” she says, rising to her feet and handing out the mugs. “Here’s to the LNB Detective Agency…”




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